Lauren (elby409) wrote,

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So here's the deal...

Ok, I've made a decision. I don't want to smoke anymore. All in all, I've always been the type of person that hates the smell of it but loved the feel of it too much to give it up. I think now is the time. I'm 25, I'm going to start my professional life, very soon. Basically, I was rejected by a man because I smoke. Even though this is the main factor in setting off my not wanting to smoke anymore, it's not the only reason. It hurts like hell though. I've had a handful of people on my back about quitting for awhile now. My dad even said, "All I want from you on Father's Day is for you to tell me that I quit." I know I need to quit now. Many people would say that quitting cold turkey is the best way. I think that I will go another way. Tomorrow morning when I wake up, I am no longer permitted to smoke in my house or my car. The only times I will allow myself to smoke are if I'm outside or at a bar. I chose this method mainly because I am at bars MAYBE once a week. I, in fact, have not been in a bar in about two weeks or so. If I would have started back then this would be half the battle. Basically, the only way I can smoke at my house now is if I go outside and that means having to tell my parent, mainly my dad, that I'm going outside to smoke. Because I don't like to throw my smoking in his face, this will really force me to not go outside and smoke. All in all, this really means that I will only smoke if I'm at a bar or outside somewhere with friends, I guess. On top of this, the friendship that I've built with Eric (the man who rejected me), I will continue to not smoke around him. However, I don't hang out with him much but this is just another thing that I need to make clear to myself.

To be very clear, I am not doing this for Eric because I feel as if he's rejected me. In my opinion, he won't have another chance. I will do it for myself. I will do it for my dad. I will do it for my brother. But I need to do it. I need to quit now. I figure if I can get through the next four days without smoking, then I will not allow myself to smoke on Saturday, because most likely we will go out. I need to be strong. I need to make it very clear to myself that I am not going to do this to my body anymore.
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