Lauren (elby409) wrote,

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Argle bargle....

All I wanted since Saturday was a little message, just a word, from Mike to know that maybe he missed me like I missed him. I got a brief email yesterday....sent to a few of us. He likes work, he's learning alot. Then tonight, I got a phone call from him. It's all I wanted since Saturday and in the end, it's made me feel like crap. He loves it out there and he's having a blast. Of course, he says I should move there but who am I kidding? I won't move there....Philly or West Chester or wherever is not for me. I think about it though. I think about it alot but I would be moving simply to be near Mike and I just don't know if that's a good enough reason. Maybe his phone call was the kick in the butt I needed. I needed that to say to me, "Hey get on with it! Move out! Make your own life, your life is not Mike!" God I miss that kid but to hear him talk about dancing with girls and getting numbers and calling girls. I don't want to hear that. I might have made myself believe that I developed feelings for him but unrequited love is the worst and I won't be a victim of it. I'm sort of hurt to be honest. I should have known better. Mike does not have those feelings for me. We are best of friends and that's it. We said that things would not change but guess what, things have already changed and they will continue to change. The main reason is that he lives there and I live here. I hope that we will always keep in touch but he's going to live his life and I've got to live mine. I guess I should simply be happy that he misses me and he thought of me. I just feel empty right now. I feel totally empty. The good thing about your friends moving away is that you can cut out and go visit them, but the bad thing is you'll be hearing about how great the place is for the first month or so. The majority of our memories will be made without one another. That sucks. Mike made a decision and I have to accept it. Crap I'm so empty and just so alone. FUCK!
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